What's Real?

I've been sick for a few days now. At first I thought it was a bad cold, but now I think it's the flu, maybe even the dreaded H1N1, aka "swine flu."

I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I felt so hot and feverish. I kept running a damp wash cloth over my forehead and cheeks--ahhh, cool. But the intense heat soon returned.

I don't remember falling asleep. But I do remember waking up with a very small, very intense pain in my gut. Uh oh, I thought, diarrhea. So I got out of bed and sat on the toilet in the dark and tried to relax while the pain twisted its way through my bowels. But nothing came out, not even a fart. I went back to bed. When the next cramp came, I got up again and sat on the toilet in the dark. I did this several times because I really did not want to release a pint or more of liquid shit onto our bed or the hardwood floors. Finally, sitting on the toilet, with my head between my knees, half-asleep, I felt my bowels began to release. Ahh.

It wasn't what I'd call diarrhea though it was nasty enough in its own way and took its own sweet time easing out of my feverish body. I remembered reading about a woman, my age, in good health, who died of swine flu. I thought, I don't care, let me die now. Then I looked out the window and saw by the light of the just waning moon, the maple tree in our back yard. Ah, that's real, I thought. And went back to bed.

ALL Beings?

The other night, as I was brushing my teeth, I leaned over the basin and let a dollop of toothpaste infused saliva fall from my mouth. Too late I saw the tiny green bug upon which--plop--the white glob fell.

I felt bad.

At first, I tried removing the mess with my finger but my spit was so sticky and the bug was so small. Then I got the idea of gently using an ear swab to pick the whole conglomeration, bug and all, up with one deft swirl. I put it into a small bowl and rinsed the bug clean and then, using the other end of the swab, picked it up and put it on a dry spot on the counter.

When I got up in the morning the bug was not where I left so I thought, "maybe I saved it."

That night, sitting with Margaret on out patio eating supper, I felt a mosquito bite. One slap and it was dead.

What kind of mind is this?